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Name: Ben
Birthday: 10/12/1989
Gender: Male
Interests: I wish I had more things to add to this category. But I really don't. I like dark comedy films, epic movies, wordy books, simple games, occasional sports, TV repeats, controversial news, listening to the rain, girls.
Expertise: Dreaming.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Law/Commerce
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
11/23/2004
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| Mt. Kinabalu. What a great experience. But before you go, here are some tips from someone who did it ALL wrong.
- Travel light, don't bring useless stuff like food (which is provided) and excessive changes of clothes.
- Bring 3 or 4 changes of shirt, 1 change of pants (one long and thick, like..trackpants or something, and one for climbing), a couple of pairs of socks, and WINTER WEAR.
- Winter wear - if you really want to get to the peak, you MUST bring this stuff (unless you have some kind of superhuman resistance to cold.), it can be almost negative three degrees up there.
- A Wind Cheater at the very least; a few more layers if you're really worried about the cold:-
- Undershirts for your upper body
- Gloves - for pulling on those damned ropes and keeping the cold out.
- A balaclava or a beanie
- (and this isn't really winter wear but..) A headlamp.
- Bring some Deep Heat type cream, some painkillers (if you're not that fit) and some AMS pills (if you're not experienced with climbing mountains.)
- Get a walking stick. You'll probably need it, especially if you're not athletic.
- You can drink mountain water, so just take one 2 litre bottle up with you.
- Take small steps both uphill and down, and breathe steadily and rhythmically
- Have fun!
   
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| This is chiming (a.k.a. Writing nonsense). Allow your eyes to be drawn away. Allow the fragments to form their own meaning to you. Don't hesitate, don't hit that key with the little arrow on it, except to correct errors.
Within the door is a green paste, ventricles spurting and calling, crawling out of the walls. Don a suit, don't be so entertained, bring a pie. Your soulful manner exposes your truth. Dank grades of unreadable yellows. I cannot speak faster than you. I cannot walk faster than you. I cannot see further than you. I am incomparable to you, except in joy and lust. Sunflowers and spectacles will shine when your little picnic basket is laid out. A massage parlour with sweeet perfumes, a spoken word that relaxes the body, a little faith in a smaller person, a little break from a smiling woman. Riding hard with sweat pooling in your glasses. Wondering when you are going to get paid. Wondering when you are going to get laid. Thinking about things to do for your girlfriend. Asking, inquiring, putting yourself in a position of vulnerability, ignoring the signs that people give you, read my face. It reads go away, it reads don't disturb me, it reads I don't want to answer you, yet I do? Worry about your friends being bored, worry about being awkward, think about nothing, think about how stupid this person is, think about how stupid you are, think about your poor performance. Remember good times, contemplate the universe because you are arrogant. Understand things that people do not care for, live in theories about life, live in understanding actions, perceive the world around you with darkness and scepticism, regret a lost love, a long history of pain and sorrow, a worthless prayer, a failure of a Church. Look to the skies and smile, and breathe. Don't bother with disturbing actions, hold yourself back and keep holding. Enjoy life in the moment, worry about friends again, wonder why you don't have any close ones, why you can't connect with anyone, not even your own boyfriend. Worry about breaking up with someone, worry about ending a good relationship, feel beautiful, feel like dancing, smile all the time, be cheery, because life wasn't meant to be lived in worry all the time. Find jokes in little things, take things far too seriously, have a dark look in your eyes, try to go for a dark look in your eyes because you've watched FAR too much anime, lose weight for your boyfriend, feel magnificent, watch your daughter date someone you don't approve of, see her happy, watch your older sister look for a cat, cry in her room, call your friend and get a disappointing reaction, dress up with your friends in strange fashion because you are different, you are special, and heck, you love the attention. Wonder why the Japanese are so weird, yet strangely wonderful. Look down on your parents condescendingly, with their conservative views and their Glenn Beck books. Wonder why you are fat, wonder if you will ever be less fat. Worry about your son, worry about the success of your sibling, worry about the sanity of your mother, make many friends, see them as networking opportunities, feel disappointed with our corporate world, yearn to be like animals, yearn to be in a band, kick a football and chase it, wonder why your patrons are sweating so profusely, make delicious drinks, examine their rice pile, look for hidden tofus, feel amused yet somewhat irritated at being asked to take instant noodles overseas, cycle around the world, enjoying the view, the people, the food, have adventure in your life, wonder how you're going to get money to pay for the weed, worry about your career, wonder if you can be successful, wonder how fake you can be, how much you can suck up. Argue with your parents, argue with your spouse, wonder if you've caused your partner's depression, feel weak and needy, feel like you can't live without love, feel like the environment is fragile and needs saving badly, feel pragmatic and evil and feel like tearing down forests for strip mines, feel like you hate this job, wonder when you'll be returning to your parents, wonder if you're being too pretentious, wonder whether you should get new internet, wonder if you can ever satisfy a woman, dream about flying, dream about running fast, dream about remembering all your dreams and storing them on a machine and reliving them, hoping a dream was real, living life step by step, contemplating whether to buy a game, to buy a box of Magic cards, looking for porn, wondering why you have strange fetishes sometimes, being disgusted at child porn yet somewhat curious, wanting to get revenge on your father, hurting people without thinking, raging at a slow cyclist, toiling the lands and scheming of new ways to earn money, looking out onto your country and wanting change, worry about your husband's safety, wondering if you'll EVER get a husband, wondering what your marriage will be like, wondering if you can do the whole "marriage" scene, wonder if the diamond will be big enough, wonder if it will fit on her hand, polishing her nails, choosing a colour for the nails, wondering if you're charging them enough, giving her the neck part of the chicken because he's Chinese, laughing at naivete, not wanting to appear naive, feeling the pain as you walk up a flight of stairs, feeling like you have all the energy in the world, feeling the wind in your face as you fly down a hill, feeling worried as your friend drives recklessly, feeling guilty yet somewhat gleeful at your friend's breaking of the law, shopping in a high-end market, wondering if you're dressed well enough, fixing your hair, looking at the security guard's shotgun, wondering if you can fight off everyone in the shopping centre, noticing that every guy is noticing you, looking at a poster and being annoyed that you'll probably never look like that, feel comfort in knowing that it was photoshopped, wondering if the wallpaper in McDonalds was done with something you created, feeling annoyed that this stupid boy thinks Hokkien is a rubbish language, talking WAY too fast, feeling somewhat jealous of someone's relationship, thinking your cousin is smoking hot, wondering how on Earth girls like nice backs, enjoying a little bit of attention, feeling nervous about speaking to a child, wondering why your father doesn't talk about the club with respect or belonging, trying not to fall in love with this guy, trying not to lust after this girl, having too many thoughts in your head at one time, chopping the chicken with a cleaver, hoping people will like your cooking, knowing that people love your cooking and taking pride in it, working well with your producer, living up to expectations, not living up to expectations and disappointing your father, feeling envious of someone's success, feeling lethargy, sitting at home, wondering if watching reruns is good for you, thinking that your friend's shallow values makes him less of a person, inflating your own ego by beating someone down, really wanting to win that argument, feeling annoyed that those things are out of place, reading someone's economics blog and feeling inferior, wanting to do Christmassy things, loving celebrations and being caught up in the moment, dreaming about perfect kisses, enjoying the fireworks, wondering why you didn't bring a jumper, wanting to hug her but not being able to, feeling guilty about watching Oprah, playing the piano and wanting approval, needing someone else, forgetting to think about what they need, thinking this person is too pretentious, thinking you're being too pretentious, wanting them to change but not being able to say it, wanting a new mobile phone, wanting a new bag, wanting everyone to notice your great feats, watching magic shows and sometimes feeling cheated by the actors on the show, craving for more food, serving people food because you have nothing better to do, wondering why the girls still sit on the opposite end of the table even though we're already 20, wondering what kind of nut provides the most protein, wondering what you should wear for parties, wearing a really dumb outfit and knowing that people just hate you for it, being annoyed by the lack of effort you put in, guffawing way too loudly, making quick judgments on people, trying to analyse the people who walk past, feeling envious of someone else's girlfriend, feeling like you need to keep going, breathing in every breath, feeling the rhythm of your body, feeling the sweat run down your body, feeling the rub of another's skin against yours, starting your own business, wanting a new television to play your games on, trying to ignore someone else but failing. Feeling the pain of having your foot trod on, feeling sickened with yourself, kicking a ball and watching it fly, dancing around like the world doesn't matter, studying hard and wondering why you can't seem to remember this stuff, feeling chocolate melt in your mouth, wondering whether you should bite or lick, watching someone eat food with great finesse, knowing they know how little you know, trying out something new, loving someone else's quotes, doing things for all the wrong reasons, hiding thing from others, putting on a friendly face, partying like there's no tomorrow, breaking into your own house, worrying about others seeing you breaking into your own house, living life on the fast lane, feeling jealous of other people's text messages, feeling extremely petty, thinking that she's quite a nice girl, loving his smile, saying all the wrong things, feeling inadequate, actually enjoying the feeling of being in a clique, working at a faster pace because you think you're better than the rest, shaking your head inside your head at the oblique mannerisms of your students, fighting with someone over a book, wishing someone would shut up in the library, looking through a poster rack, read classic literature, feeling young and being picky about your friends, skipping school, getting a new piercing, modelling in a pageant and feeling beautiful, feeling the waves of applause washing over you, posing for a camera gregariously, wishing you had superpowers, riding the waves, having a chat with your friends, feeling very comfortable about everything, wishing you hadn't eaten all that curry, laughing everything off, wondering why people waste their lives contemplating, irony. Not giving a shit when you should. Worrying about swearing in front of children, thinking someone is incredibly insensitive, driving fast because you can, taking deep sips from a cup, feeling the cold, dressing up for the cold, thinking that scarf might look great on you, thinking the effeminate scarft looks rather comfy, questioning sexuality, cutting branches off a tree, thinking that there are far too many leaves in the gutter, watching Bear Grylls eating a bug and feeling nausea, getting drunk, having your friends regale you with your exploits in the night, wondering why that man didn't come to your store, seeing FAR too many tourists in a place you feel you belong to, speaking loudly with your accent because it distinguishes you, losing your patience, trying to remember how to tie a necktie, opening your eyes in the morning.
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| Two little birds dance around the tree that stretches into the ceiling, through the sunroof. The roots of the tree are housed in a cylindrical metallic container. Fruit peel and remnants sit on the soil, which the little grey birds peck at; the wall's pale lemon paint consumes the sunlight slowly, bathing the kitchen in a soft light. Robins sometimes visit, peeking in curiously from the leaves, which branch out from the sunroof's grating. On the wall, a crack runs from the ceiling to the tip of the door, seemingly ageless, like a fissure in an ancient mountain.
A derilect bathtub sits in the middle of the room. housing buckets and pots and pans. Tiny insects float lazily around inside it, drifting under fallen leaves. Beside the bathtub, a set of bricks, piled against the wall to knee height, shaped like an L, with the short end of the L against the wall; the lowest of the bricks are darkened by water and age, the higher bricks are fresher, each brick having its own character, its own story. Next to the construction is a door. A door which is like any other door. Steel, each side seperated into 4 squares by grooves. Two sliding locks, old fashioned and slightly rusted; closing the locks requires persistence, to coax the metal cylinder into its place. The door looks onto a backstreet, with little drains on either side. Water trickles along the drains continuously, sometimes patronised by wandering dogs. There are no breaks or spaces between the houses, yet each one wears a distinctive coat of paint, sports a unique door.
I want to stay. Forever.
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| Writing is enjoyable, spending hours just sitting in front of a blank page watching the cursor blink.blink.blink.
What is there to write about?
1. Climate Change
Copenhagen, emission schemes, a large variety of environmental solutions; as a naive young man like myself with little care for the corporate world and their agendas, I'd say that climate action is beneficial for us, a development of humankind, think of it as something parallel to banning CFC and asbestos, similar to the Geneva convention disallowing use of inhumane weapons, similiar to compulsory vaccinations for most people in developed and developing countries. It's a positive step, and an excellent way to bridle our (some countries in particular *cough*) wasteful, decadent ways.
2. Strikes
People don't get paid enough, people who are in relatively skilled jobs, people who are not satisfied with their jobs, people who don't get dental, people who find themselves in particularly important roles in society, will go on strike if they feel they are not being compensated sufficiently. What other way to get your boss to recognise you?
3. Roasted Honey Peanuts
Are delicious, thank you very much.
4. Holidays
What do I do with myself when I get almost 3 months to do nothing? I worry about my units for next semester, which is likely to be the most painful thing I'm going to endure for the rest of my university days. I mope around a little bit, playing games, watching TV, enjoying the fantastic food here... I exercise a bit. I read Mancouch, and I am as usual surprised by the large number of women who visit that site, I am intrigued by the visual aids provided, and I have a little laugh reading about the kinky places people have sex in - museum toilets, parent's bedrooms, playgrounds, mausoleums etc etc. Yes, fine - here's the link. Read the comments.
5. Seperating my Facebook from my Xanga
For some reason I can never bring myself to post my Xanga to my facebook. I don't know why. So maybe I'll give it a shot this time around. I'm sure no one will click it.
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| Does humankind need to think?
Many humans live in a world where they are perpetually surrounded by distractions, things to draw their minds away from their own thoughts. Televisions, computers, drinking, partying, WORK. We occupy our minds with deadlines, other people's problems, false drama and fictional characters. Living in this manner prevents our mind from just thinking. Thinking is perhaps not the right word. We think all the time; rather constantly doing things prevents "meditation"; so to speak. This process of meditation is me time; time to close your eyes and not sleep, time to take deep breaths. I'm not saying that this "meditation" is an essential function for survival, I'm saying it's probably beneficial to us, freeing our mind from constant barrage of entertainment, information and interaction.
A wise man (well, actually it was Robin Williams in Night at the Museum: Battle for the Smithsonian, [which, by the way, is not entirely horrible.]) once said that happiness is physical exercise. The thing about physical exercise is that it also allows the mind to relax, to be emancipated from the rest of the world, temporarily. In this way, physical exercise can help your physical health as well as your mental health.
This meditation is kind of like the process that occurs before you fall asleep, or when you're sitting on the toilet without a magazine handy; generally, in the above situations, your mind will be filled with unresolved issues, or negative thoughts (if you are, as I can be, a naturally negative person), I think this is because the mind BEGINS with the problems, begins with the issues that we need to sort out in our own mind, before moving onto insightful thinking, or before moving on to a relaxing moment.
Well, that's all I've got to say on this topic for now. I will see you all next time.
Ironically, I'm watching TV while writing this. Haha: "I give myself very good advice, but I seldom follow it."
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